Today I would like to share with you an article that I wrote back in October 2007 that answers a question that I get asked often:
DO SOULMATES REALLY EXIST?
Soulmate Relationships: Do They Really Exist? You bet they do! In fact, I am so sure of this that I even wrote a book on the subject, entitled A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate (BookSurge Publishing, an amazon.com company, 2007).
However, the soulmate mania we are experiencing today can be misleading. The quest for a magical individual, whom some call a soulmate, can be risky. As I’ve said in my book and in many of my articles and reports, soulmates are not flawless supernatural beings who are loving and gorgeous and perfect in every way, as the media, romantic novels, and movies would have us believe. No one can live up to such unrealistic expectations. Soulmates are human and will at times mess up, just as you will. They are simply people with whom you have a past life history, and with whom you click and are compatible. Not all soulmate relationships are romantic in nature. Your best friend or even a sibling could be a soulmate.
Your romantic soulmate, the topic of this article, is someone you will love deeply and who feels the same way about you—someone with whom you can be happy and fulfilled in this lifetime. Searching for your soulmate should not be about finding the perfect mate, but is more about finding someone with whom you can feel completely safe to be yourself, who simply gets you, and with whom you share a common destiny. Richard Bach, author of The Bridge across Forever: A Love Story (1984; Dell Reissue, 1989) describes soulmates as follows:
“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person”.
Okay, let’s get to what you really want to know: what you need to do to find your very own soulmate. The last sentence of Bach’s quote says it all: “When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person.” Simply put, when we are happy with ourselves and with the direction our life is taking, then we are ready to connect with our loved one.
I am not going sugar-coat things and tell you that connecting with your loving soulmate will be a breeze; it can sometimes be a daunting task. Dreams don’t always come true as quickly as we’d like, which is why many settle for second best, but if you pursue your dreams with faith and perseverance, they do come true. Believe this and waiting for your beloved will be far easier.
Note that you don’t have to be perfect to attract your mate. People of all ages and shapes and backgrounds can find their soulmates. You do, however, have to be mature and self-confident. If you think you are too old, too fat, too ugly, or too whatever to find the right mate—guess what?—you will be right.
It has been my experience that those who are older, and therefore wiser, have a better chance of reuniting with their true love. This makes perfect sense when you consider the fact that before we can connect, we have to be comfortable in our own skin. That is, we have to know who we are and what we need to be happy, and that takes some time. Of course there are some very mature and responsible young couples who have been blessed with their true loves early in life, but as a general rule, this is not the norm.
If you truly want to be with your soulmate, you need to believe and be patient and persistent. Never forget the fact that there are spiritual forces operating beyond our understanding.
So, what do you do while you are waiting for your soulmate? Plenty. Live your life to the fullest and prepare yourself for your true love.
Here are nine steps to finding your soulmate:
1. Be clear about the fact that you really want to find your soulmate. Believe that there is somebody out there for you. Know in your heart that you deserve this great love, because you do. Do some soul-searching and get clear on exactly what you need in relationships.
2. Make a wish! Start by writing a very specific wish list about what kind of person you want to attract: for example, never been married, wants children, likes to dance, is spiritual, is not afraid to commit, has no addictions, etc. Be clear about your deepest values and ideals, and look for a partner who has the same values. Check out my book A Matter of Destiny for more on manifesting your soulmate.
3. Spend a few minutes every day (just before bed is a good time) reading your wish list and thinking about this special person who will come into your life. Imagine your life with your soulmate in it.
4. Get healthy and get beautiful! Start from the inside out (body, mind, and spirit). Healthy people attract healthy relationships. You can’t escape the universal rule, “Like attracts like.”
5. Do away with the old! Start by getting rid of old emotional baggage. If you have a long line of unsuccessful relationships, then you probably need some attitude shifts before you are ready for your soulmate. Hanging on to previous partners through guilt, regret, or resentment can create obstacles in your search for a new relationship. You need to resolve and let go of these negative attitudes before you can move on to a more positive, loving relationship with your soulmate. Once you have cleared away the old, you can make room for the new.
6. If you have recently ended a relationship, take some time off from romantic relationships. Enjoy your own company. Get to know who you really are, and enjoy being single.
7. When you feel you are ready, start dating again. But be selective! Think quality, not quantity, when choosing whom you want to date, stay away from unloving, untrustworthy people. Remember your wish list and don’t compromise on what you want and need from your relationships. Remember, you are dating in order to find your soulmate, not just a mate.
8. Don’t obsess about finding your soulmate. Longing will bring only misery. Believe that when the time is right you and your soulmate will find each other. In the meantime, work on your career and enjoy your friends and family.
9. Now, believe! This last step can the hardest for some people. Finding your soulmate is a matter of destiny. Know in your heart of hearts that you will be reunited with your beloved when the time is right for both of you. Until then, be patient and wait on the will of Heaven.
Desiring the right partner is important, but when we crave and obsess about finding a partner, we attract the wrong one. There is a difference between wishing and obsession. Maintain your desire to be with your soulmate, while letting go of the impatience and frustration. Tell yourself that you can be happily single until you find a truly satisfying relationship. Then lighten up, enjoy the process, and have fun, while protecting your heart!
All the best,
Joanne B. Parrotta
My fifth book in the WiseAdviceBook Series Baby & You: The Little Book of Mother and Baby Care is now ready for purchase exclusively through Amazon.com. I truly enjoyed writing this book as it brought back many pleasant memories of when my children were young. I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I welcome your feedback and comments. 
